All I can say right now, is Thank you sweet Lord for this precious puppy. He really makes you feel better if you are having a hard day, I mean, just look at him.
Earlier, while I was staring at him, telling him how sweet and perfect he is and how I loved him the most of all the people, I had a few thoughts…
Are there days when you feel like you just aren’t getting it right?
I have been really hard on myself as a parent lately. I think we all can be hard on ourselves and no matter how hard we try, we aren’t raising perfection. No matter how hard we try to intercept trouble our kids still get hurt and life will make its mark. This makes me feel so frustrated at times. I want to protect them from danger, accidents, and life…but you know what, we can’t do that. and that really sucks!
So, Noah fell on his face at school last friday. I know, it makes me sick to my stomach to even think about it. He can be very unsteady on his feet and has a wobbly gate when he walks anyway. Just as he was getting off the bus he started puking…oh no! I thought, is this a concussion? Jeremy and I got him all cleaned up, his face looked horrible, swollen etc.
Jeremy said, you know, this could just be a virus….Okay, now…this is how my mind works.. in my head I already went to the worst case scenario….like a seizure, traumatic brain injury…. and for goodness sakes, he sure doesn’t need to add that to the list of things he has to deal with….I was in such a tizzy, I couldn’t do anything, I was paralyzed…I watched Noah for the next five hours and he seemed okay. I should have taken him to the ER, but….Here’s the truth…I was filled to overflowing with dread. I can’t even go into how hard it is to take him to the ER, but all you who are mom’s out there know that to take ANYONE to the ER is real, real not fun , and can/does take hours usually. So bottom line we decided no to go.
Noah is okay, it took a few days but the doctor checked him out and he’s gonna be fine.
My point? That we all makes mistakes as parents and as people…yes, I should have gone to the ER and I learned something that day. I also, can forgive myself and know I’m still the right person for the job of raising my two boys. I don’t have to listen to the voice that is critical and wants me to feel shameful. All is GRACE.
I just want to encourage all you out there who are trying really hard, but you misstep every now and then. Just keep going, you really are doing a great job. not a perfect job…but who wants to be around that person?? The people that look like they are doing it all perfect are big fat liars…because nobody is doing this life perfect. What matters is that you show up..you stay in the moment, let your family see that you are real.
Today I sat with a special friend and we talked and loved on my sweet puppy together…I loved hearing her encouraging words. You are not alone, God see’s you and he is there with you.
If you need him, I encourage you to call out his name…if you need a good cry, feel free to do what I do, lay on the floor with carpet up your nose and cry out to HIM. I always find him there, waiting to give me love and peace. So will you.
I hope you know that you are very loved! I hope you know that you are doing a great job! Keep going…….